Electroshock

Pledge of Allegiance

2005-10-09T22:55:00.000-07:00

This is an analysis of the Pledge of Allegiance, courtesy of Flagday.org. I decided to post this when I heard the refusal of certain people to pledge allegiance to a "stupid flag".

"I pledge allegiance"...I promise to be true

"to the flag"...to the symbol of our country

"of the United States of America"...each state that has joined to make our country

"and to the Republic"...a republic is a country where the people choose others tomake laws for them. The government is for the people

"for which it stands,"...the flag means the country

"one Nation"...a single country

"under God"...the people believe in a supreme being

"indivisible,"...the country cannot be split into parts

"with liberty and justice"...with freedom and fairness

"for all."...for each person in the country...you and me

Michael Crook

2005-09-10T15:38:00.000-07:00

Michael Crook is a very controversial person. Michael Crook is most noted and recognized for his formerly operated forsakeourtroops.info site, reported to be run by SMI hosting, a relatively new web hosting company. I hate this guy with a passion, so here it goes:

Michael Crook’s old website said some very obscene things regarding the U.S. military (ex. “four more troops bite the big one in Iraq; stupid is as stupid does”, etc.) Shortly thereafter, Michael Crook went on Hannity and Colmes on the FOX News Channel.

After an embarrassing performance on Fox News, Crook’s website (which he affirmed on Fox News was his) was shut down for violating SMIS hosting, which was also reported to be run by Michael Crook himself. SMIS stood for Silent Mike’s Internet Service. Soon, forsakethetroops.net was opened. It was relatively the same idea as forsakethetroops.info, and was also reported to be hosted by SMIS hosting. Mike has refuted the claim that he created forsakethetroops.net. However, the material on both websites is very similar.

Mike then began a blog, which is has even more of his immoral values. He shut down his blog and it is now a hunk of bandwidth floating on the net, including message boards and boasting about his accomplishments.

Reports are that Michael Crook was a boot camp flunky and committed statutory rape against a fifteen year old minor in New Jersey, impregnated her, and refuses to see his child. He pays child support for his child. He’s also stated that he hasn’t talked to his mother in around seven to ten years. Recently, mike refuted the boot camp flunky claim, claiming he never enlisted, although his wife currently wishes to enlist in the U.S. Army.

Michael Crook also had an incident involving a U.S. soldier’s camera, in which he scammed. He's also faked his own death for publicity.

Reports about Crook:

“Mr. Crook was one of the first employees to work with Internet System Technologies, joining the upstart Internet Service Provider while still in high school. IST was the first company to offer commercial Internet access to Southern New Jersey. IST was one of the first companies to connect area schools and businesses to the Internet, and he was associated with the company until 1999, enjoying a five-year relationship with the now-defunct company.”

"SMIS has been in business since March 2004, and the owner has been involved with web hosting, web design and Internet connectivity since 1994, when he joined the first company to offer commercial Internet access in Southern New Jersey."

“Michael Crook (aka Mike Vogel-Delaney) frequently uses "SilentMike" and "SilentMikeNY" as nicks, and owns silentmike.us and silent-mike.info”

“Turns out Michael spent 2 years trying to get into the military, and finally succeeded in being a recruit for a not-so-glorious 2-week period, at which point he was rendered “unfit for training” and sent home.”

Contact information for Michael Crook:
silentmikedotus@msn.com
Silent14Mike88 – AIM
eastcoastdude2004 – Yahoo

Sites
Sites you must see to get the full story.
Mike’s Blog
Forsake the Troops.net
Digital Camera Hoax on Soldier

Audio and Video
Two clips, one an audio, and one a video of Crook’s interview on Hannity and Colmes:
Radio Show
Hannity and Colmes

Sites
Other sites about Michael Crook:
Abort the Troops
Crook Interview
Michael Crook is a PoS
Crook’s Fake Death
Fakes Own Murder
Hannity and Colmes Review
Number-One Asshole
Worst Example of Humanity?
Michael Crook is Alive!
Google Search: ”Michael Crook”+ asshole
Citizens Against Michael Crook
More Crook
Perverted Crook

Racist Post
Here is something very disturbing. Mike is caught posting at a white supremacist column.
Mud Baby

Cabby’s Complaints: Scene and Emo

2005-09-10T14:57:00.000-07:00

Scene and emo have to be the most pathetic trends of today. Both very different when you compare them side by side, however still mind numbing ideas of “cool”.

SCENE

The basic idea of scene is to listen to hardcore bands that you don’t actually like, dye your hair unnatural colors, and cut it at twenty different angles. Want to look scene? Follow these easy steps.

For girls -

Throw out your entire wardrobe.
Buy new bras and thongs. The bra straps must match your g-string and those must match your very uncomfortable shoes.
Forget everything you’ve ever known about scissors. Just start cutting your hair. Chances are it’ll turn out looking scene.
Dye your hair at least 3 different colors not found in nature.
If your favorite color isn’t neon, you will be torched by scenesters. So I suggest one of the following: Aqua, lime, neon pink, or neon purple. Aqua and lime are probably your best bet. Anything with “neon” in it will make you appear to be trying too hard.
Short skirts that expose your vagina are a must. You won’t be cool unless your genitalia is showing while you attempt to hardcore dance at the shows you really don’t want to be at.
If anyone asks how often you go to shows, say every night. They won’t believe you, but who the hell cares?
If the person you just lied to asks what shows you’ve been to lately, make up band names. They won’t know. They don’t know the names of the bands of which they’re going to see, so it really doesn’t matter.

If you do all of the things listed above, you’re on your way to being a clone of the corporate view of trendy!

For boys -

Let your hair grow to where you can flip it over by moving your head at a fast pace. (Note: It must cover one of your eyes.)
Throw out all your jeans. Go out and buy new ones. But remember, they have to be two sizes too small. Unless your penis is pressed up against the zipper to the point where it looks as though it’d burst, your pants are too big.
Make out with as many boys in public as possible.
Skank at hardcore shows and hardcore dance at ska shows. Yes, you’ll look like an idiot. But at least everyone will know you can do both. Even if you can’t, at least you tried.
Your base hair color must be either black or dark brown. Then you should have a streak of some other color go through one of the sides.

Participate in all tips above and you too can be a mainstream fag!

EMO

Let me start out by saying, emo girls and scene girls couldn’t be more opposite. However, emo boys and scene boys are basically the same. This is why I won’t do a tips thing for the boys. Just add a pair of thick rimmed glasses, act more depressed, don’t dance at shows, and you’re all set.

Anyway, emo stands for “emoxcore”. This is a more emotional form of hardcore music. Basically, emo kids are wimps who think it’s cool to wear your little sister’s jeans.

For girls -

Cut your hair very short. Bowl cuts with short bangs are preferred.
Go to Hot Topic and buy patches for your messenger bag. Then tell all your friends you got them at shows.
Wear loafers or navy converse.
Thick rimmed glasses are a must, even if you don’t need them.
Don’t wear jeans. Wear Dickies. I suggest in navy or gray.
If you’re going to wear makeup, use pencil eyeliner. Run it repeatedly under your eyes so it looks as though you were crying.
Only wear polo shirts that you got from thrift stores. Popular colors are navy, gray, and white.

Follow these basic guidelines and you too can be a wuss!

I hope these guidelines have helped you in some way. Whether it was to understand why your heterosexual boyfriend is kissing boys, or to learn how to be a corporate clone!

Levi's Crap: Marijuana: The Gateway Drug

2005-09-04T18:42:00.000-07:00

Marijuana has been around nearly since the dawn of time. It has been used for medicinal purposes, but as many know, it is also a street drug.

Marijuana is referred to as a “Gateway Drug” because it can lead to heavier or separate drug use. One, who might use heroin, might’ve started off using marijuana, and this is one of the dangers of marijuana use.

The plant which marijuana originates from, (cannabis sativa) is infested with potent toxins, which when inhaled or ingested, creates a chemical imbalance. The result is a deep relaxation and nirvana. It’s referred to as “getting high”.

Pro-marijuana supporters make the following claims:

F. Marijuana is good for you because of its medicinal purposes against cancer.
T. Marijuana is not a cancer treatment, and it is not equivalent to chemotherapy. Chemotherapy kills more cancerous cells than it does healthy cells, a ratio of 5:1, but marijuana kills in quite the opposite effect, a ratio of 1:6. Because of this, marijuana is not an effective cancer treatment because it can actually produce more cancer (by destroying the healthy cells) than it can prevent cancer.

F. Marijuana is used to eliminate the symptoms of chemotherapy.
T. Certain medications are available on the market can have the same effect. Although this is true, the risks of marijuana use are the reasons why marijuana is not legalized for medicinal purposes.

F. Marijuana does not kill brain cells.
T. Indeed it does. Inhaling marijuana has the same effect as cigarettes. It deprives your lungs of natural oxygen, which as a result fails to supply red blood cells with oxygen. From there, these red blood cells fail to carry oxygen, and instead, carry harmful toxins. These toxins, in addition to no oxygen, kill cells throughout several vital organs, more specifically the brain. This is also why marijuana is addicting.

F. Marijuana is not addicting.
T. THC (Tetrahydrocannabinol) is more addicting than nicotine. THC is the active psycho-alternating substance in marijuana.

F. Marijuana has medicinal purposes.
T. THC has medicinal purposes, not marijuana itself:

“A number of studies indicate medical benefits for cancer and AIDS patients by increasing appetite and decreasing nausea, blocking the spread of some cancer-causing Herpes simplex viruses. It has been shown to assist some glaucoma patients by reducing pressure within the eye, and is used, in the form of cannabis by a number of multiple sclerosis patients for relieving spasm.” Wikipedia.com
So in fact marijuana has no medicinal purposes and is very dangerous. THC however does have medicinal purposes, but like any drug, can be addicting. In fact there is such thing as Synthetic THC, also known under the substance name dronabinol, which is available as a prescription drug (e.g. under the trade name Marinol) in several countries.

Marijuana is also facing legal issues. Some wish to support it’s full legalization, some wish to support it’s medicinal legalization, while others wish to support it’s nonlegalization. It’s a very important issue, and I’m just hitting the tip of the iceberg.

Whether you support or don’t support marijuana, here are some websites for further information. Some will disagree with the facts I’ve stated above, but then again, I’m just going into my opinion and some deep research on it.

Marijuana.com
Long Article
Marijuana Research

Know why I don't stay facts? Because they're boring unless you make them up.

Levi's Crap: Henna

2005-09-02T23:26:00.000-07:00

Henna is a type of impermanent dye, typically used for the skin or nails. However, it can also be used for the hair. Henna is considered safer than regular tattooing because of it’s virtually painless application.

No needles are used and no ink is used either. It’s a completely harmless, natural dye found from the Egyptian evergreen plant, Lawsonia inermis, whose shoots and leaves yield an extract which is mixed with catechu, an astringent substance obtained from various trees and shrubs. Arabians crush dried berries from this plant to obtain a red powder (Henna).

Called “Mehndi” in India, Henna is thought to originate from Egypt as the first signs of Henna use were on that of Egyptian mummies during mummification. Henna was thought to enhance beauty in the afterlife (nice way of calling your pharaoh ugly) by the Egyptians.

However, there is such thing as black Henna, which is typically street sold and is not traditional Henna. The natural color of Henna is dark brown, but never black, hence “black Henna”. Black Henna has been ruled dangerous by the F.D.A. due to the chemical para-phenylenediamine which is found in black Henna. It is estimated that 20% of the population is allergic to this chemical, and it can cause burns on the skin, as evident on the picture here.

Henna application has become popular in the late 20th and 21st century, but was westernized even before then. If you want to find out more about Henna, click the title link, or go to this great site or this link.

Know why I don't state facts? Because facts are boring, unless you make them up.

No More Mardi Gra

2005-09-02T20:03:00.000-07:00

I do feel very terrible for their loss. Property damage has not yet been assessed, but experts speculate that the city of New Orleans will not be livable for months, years, maybe even a decade or two.

People and rescue workers alike use boats to travel in New Orleans and salvage what they can, whether it’s survivors or their belongings. Rations of food, gas, and water run low as FEMA brings supplies and aid later than expected. FEMA is not the only organization who failed to bring supplies to the hurricane stricken city of New Orleans. Deep and toxic waters stopped these organizations dead in their tracks.

Tensions not only rise in the abolished city of New Orleans, but in towns throughout the Southern coastal states. The thousands of people outside of Louisiana, such as in Mississippi, face a grimmer state as most of their cities were completely wiped out, such as Biloxi.

“The aftermath of Hurricane Katrina cannot be fully assessed,” states New Orleans Mayor, Ray Nagin, “but all we’re currently asking for is help from the federal government”.

Resorting to transporting people via helicopter and bus to the Astrodome in Houston, Texas, the relief effort seems to widen the rift for some in what is obviously the worst natural disaster to strike the U.S., or even the North West Hemisphere.

“We don’t know where to begin or where to end. We have no middle either. Right now we’re playing by ear and trying to get a plan worked out on how we’re going to relieve well over a million people,” states an Army engineer.

As of recently however, the federal government has pitched in despite popular belief, providing helicopters, soldiers, and sailors, including Special Forces U.S. Navy SEALs to aid with the rescue efforts.

Neighborly love is also shown as surrounding counties provide firefighters to help with fires. However, firefighter’s mobility is limited throughout New Orleans and other places from the water.

Many insurance companies are also providing support and relief for customers, as well as realtors, but those without insurance however, face homelessness…

The reality of anarchy is visible throughout New Orleans. Most people are upset with the ailed relief efforts. Those who haven’t yet received help, bog themselves down on rooftops or travel the city in search of aid. Confused and helpless, others resort to violence. Some sought desperate measures as evident when a New Orleans police officer was shot dead. In fact, one man committed suicide in the Superdome in New Orleans.
The Superdome itself was covered with trash, human waste, and the past omen of despair, as the rest of New Orleans.

Looting also becomes a problem as people take what they can from stores and shops throughout New Orleans. Without the proper law enforcement to handle looters, citizens enjoy a shopping spree. New Orleans S.W.A.T. was called in to assist with the law enforcement efforts, however, but that only made some citizens more desperate.

The devastation is surreal, yet blunt. Too blunt for those caught in the middle of it, and too surreal for us at home to understand. Stories of lost loved ones and close calls spread throughout hotels and motels which provide a safe haven for dispersed refugees. Among these stories, the best stories told are those of high-hopes, and survival.

Levi's Crap: Abortion

2005-08-09T21:26:00.000-07:00

Abortion's a big issue in the U.S., and after watching Bill O'Reilly babble on today about John Roberts (the Supreme Court nominee from Bush) and a pro-abortion organization broadcasting a commercial in an attempt to smear his reputation, I had to write.

The people whom oppose abortion, claim that they are attempting to save lives, and those who support the "pro-choice" spectrum, claim that they are..."well...doing the same, but not really, only kind of, but sort of, on Thursdays."

Of course, abortion has many different techniques behind it, it is an operational surgery, much like circumcision, and it does have side-effects which may include death, and these are just a few things that come into mind with the topic of abortion.

Religion comes strongly into play with abortion as well. It plays as the denominator for peoples' arguments and beliefs around the subject. But here's what a colleague of mine (a pro-choice supporter) declared:

"People oppose abortion because they believe that it is equivalent to murder, however the fact of the matter is that abortion is done at a period when the fetus is incapable of surviving outside of the womb, making it a non-living human being, so in a sense, you can't kill a non-living thing."

"Oh, but yet they argue that abortion stops life from being created, which is equivalent to murder. Why don't pro-lifers just outlaw masturbation, condoms, sodomy, oral sex, and birth control? All of these things stop life from being created, and that's an absurd thing to try and put a seal on."

Good point, except he forgot the part where pro-lifers said that the pro-choicers are doo-doo heads, and then the pro-choicers called the pro-lifers 'tupid meanies.

Another thing that sheds some more in depth light on this issue is the use of stem-cell research with fetuses' but that's another topic.

But let's face it, abortion must be kept legal, especially for all the rape and incest pregnancies, right? But then again, life is precious and should be spared under all circumstances, right? But yet, if it's an unplanned pregnancy from a 16 year old girl who forgot to use the morning after pill, then of course she has to get an abortion to save her own ass from her parents who would kill her if they found out, right? Oh, but she could always give her child up for adoption, right? But then again, her parents would find out, and you are missing the point! Ya know, the part where her parents find out and she gets emancipated because she couldn't keep her legs closed for a planned pregnancy! But then again, life is precious. Yet, it's not as precious as your own ass.

It's obvious that I have a lot to say, and I don't believe that the government should fund abortions, yet I do believe women should be able to do with their bodies, whatever they please, and that includes prostitution and streaking.

A lot of violence has occurred at abortion clinics across the U.S. as well. It's an image of how strongly people represent their beliefs on this topic, when it's really sad that it has to turn into violence. What's also is sad is how pro-lifers decide to use images of fetuses and babies saved from abortion to support their claim. They're not supporting their claim. They're making pro-choice supporters look like murderers, and "pro-killers", rather than "pro-choicers", and draw sympathy towards their side.

It's also kind of sad when people on the pro-choice side give deep detailed explanations of children born from rape, and how awful it is when women die during pregnancy. There's no time for your God damned sorrow for fetuses and rape-born children! People are out there having abortions and being created from rape, and all you have to prove your points are pointless photos and monologues that sound like romance novels?! We're not here to see what happens after abortions or not, because only a select few examples of what you're using to get sympathetic followers to your side actually happened, and that's a small ratio. It's a ratio so small that it isn't even substantial to your point.

I'm curious to see what else will happen in the ongoing abortion debate, and who knows, maybe I'll be on Bill O'Reilly (if they gave me a vomit bag).

Know why I don't state facts? Because facts are boring, unless you make them up.

Biased News: Saudi Arabian King Fahd Dies

2005-08-01T13:09:00.000-07:00

Headline via Yahoo! News: Saudi Arabia's King Fahd died on August 1, 2005 and Crown Prince Abdullah was swiftly pronounced monarch of the world's largest oil exporter and key U.S. ally

We all know what Abdullah was thinking:

Anyways, here's the story if you want to check it out.

Airlines

2005-07-31T19:47:00.000-07:00

Well ladies and gentlemen, after several days of vacation, I'm back to writing and slacking. Ahh...

So, I guess nothing interesting has happened in the world while I was stuck on an airplane. One thing you notice about flying is that if somebody farts, the recycled air makes the fumes pass throughout the plane continuously, during the entire flight (now you know what the oxygen masks are REALLY for).

Another thing you notice is that if you have a seat by the engine, you can't hear the flight attendant, which is really inconvenient, because if the flight attendant makes a broadcast along the lines of, "brace for impact", then...

Sitting at the front of the airplane means in case of a crash, you have less chance of surviving. So, people who pay for first class may get their Kosher reubens first, but when Jay Jay the 747 crashes, they get their face full of mortality first.

Another negative aspect, is sitting by the lavatory or the emergency exit. The lavatory seat is self explanatory, but the emergency exit seat needs a bit of explanation. First of all, it's up to you to open the door, and that puts you under quite a bit of pressure. People under pressure don't perform so well either.

The part about your seat doubling as a flotation device is something you can ignore if you're flying over terrain.

You might as well screw trying to use the restrooms anyways. It seems like as soon as you get in the lavatory, you hit turbulence.

Airlines are definitely stressful. The best you can do is hold your breath upon sitting in your seat until you pass out, and wait to be awaken as you land at your destination. That's the only way to travel.

Gardeners Strip

2005-07-18T14:43:00.000-07:00

School garden caretakers in Michigan made a nude calendar to raise cash. Now, as the article states, and is expected, it’s controversial, but equally arousing.

Body text via MSN News: "Is this an appropriate role model for our children?" said Janice Blackburn of Leland, whose children attend Glen Lake schools. "I think he crossed the line. The public perception is that it's associated with the school."

Exactly! Of course, the point of making the calendar was to make money for the school in an obscene and controversial fashion, so in a sense, they are thinking of the children, but in a more perverse “dirty money” kind of way…Not only that, but I like nude calendars.

Biased News: Abortion Bomb

2005-07-18T14:22:00.000-07:00

Headline via MSN News: BIRMINGHAM, Ala. - An unrepentant Eric Rudolph declared Monday that abortion must be fought with "deadly force" as a judge sentenced him to life in prison for setting off a remote-controlled bomb at an abortion clinic that killed an off-duty police officer and maimed a nurse.

WOAH! Wait just a minute. So what Eric Rudolph is saying…is that in order to protect the “lives of unborn babies”, he has to kill? So, in laymen’s terms, he’s protecting innocent people by killing innocent people. How does that work, exactly? Maybe Eric is thinking that the people at the abortion clinic are murderers, but then again, blowing the shit out of the clinic and killing somebody makes him a…go ahead and guess it…

NHB Radio

2005-07-18T10:30:00.000-07:00

This radio show hosted out of New Jersey is kick ass. Literally full of mid-aged and twenty year old retards blabbing on about whatever they feel necessary and obligated to. I love it.

CDC = Serious Screw Up

2005-07-17T22:41:00.000-07:00

The CDC (Center for Disease Fucking Control and Prevention) does a great job every year of fucking up. Medicine has become so advanced that we can’t even get our story straight. Medicine is now like an amateur news report.

The CDC every year scares people with the founding of new diseases, and the re-scared-shitlessness of old ones, such as the flu. Every year, it’s a terrible flu that's coming our way. They did the same with SARS. You have a higher chance of dying from a common cold than you do SARS.

So much for prevention too; a lot of shots they gave us, as for small pox and things like that, they're now telling us are ineffective, when they told us they would last forever. You'd also be surprised to know that the CDC blows, is anti-American, and kicks cats.

Statistically, "below expectations", not enough CDC workers are trained in the medicine field. Well duh! That's apparent to the three paragraphs above.

CDC website (.gov)

Cheaters

2005-07-17T22:40:00.000-07:00

This show is more depressing than the evening news. All this show ever displays are the clips of outraged lovers crying, cursing, and raising other havoc. I haven't seen any episode of Cheaters that features happy endings, but then again, that's not "entertaining television".

The show host himself doesn't make things much better. His voice has that intimidating instigating tone to it that almost makes you want to hit him in the face. Only an insecure prick would host a show like that.

I don't understand why people go on national television to embarrass themselves on shows like this. I'm sick of reality television. Watching reality television is an admission that you yourself have no life, simply because watching reality television is watching other people live their lives; the evening news is all the reality I need.

Biased News: Santorum is an animal person

2005-07-17T22:36:00.000-07:00

Headline via Yahoo! News: WASHINGTON - Puppies and kittens likely are not the first things that come to mind when many think of Sen. Rick Santorum (news, bio, voting record) — the conservative No. 3 Senate Republican known for his tough stance against abortion and gay marriage.

I guess that was a pretty bad headline for Senator Santorum. How do guys like Rick get a job in office with dumbfounded looks like this?:

The "duh" look.

Body text via Yahoo! News: But Santorum, R-Pa., has won high praise from the Humane Society of the United States for pushing legislation aimed at ending breeding facilities known as puppy mills.

A man who opposes gay marriage won high praise from the Humane Society?

Body text via Yahoo! News: "To me, its part of a society that's caring, sensitive to life," Santorum said in a recent interview. "Obviously, the life of animals is fundamentally different than the life of a human being. But to me, we have a responsibility to God's creatures to treat them humanely, and the government's laws should reflect that."

Really Rick? So the differences of humans and animals are so different, and you preach and "practice" this so called “responsibility to God’s creatures to treat them humanely, and the government’s laws should reflect that”, yet you won’t even let gays get married. It’s sad that he has this resentment towards gay marriage and recognizes gays as a minority and not human beings, and treats them inhumanely by denying them the right of marriage. Could this guy be a hypocrite, and not even know it?

Body text via Yahoo! News: "We support elected officials who have a proven record of leadership on animal welfare issues and Rick Santorum fits that characteristic precisely," said Wayne Pacelle, president and CEO of the Humane Society and a Humane USA board member.

I assume that there are not too many gays in the Humane Society. I’m sure African-Americans wouldn’t help fundraise for the K.K.K., so why would a gay work for the Humane Society and support a man against gay marriage?

Bush the Moron

2005-07-17T22:35:00.000-07:00

Now, if you haven't noticed that President George W. Bush is a moron, or if you support Bush, then you might as well stop taking up all that space in your skull with that brain. Hell, you could use your skull as extra storage space if you donated your useless brain to science.

It doesn't take Al Sharpton to figure out that Bush is a moron, and everybody likes pointing out what he does wrong (like…being a moron for example). This article is about what Bush can do to not seem like such a moron.

First of all, he could just stop talking. He should have his wife sew his lips shut, or lose his voice. Every word that comes out of his mouth is like jacking off with a cheese grater: mildly interesting, but extremely painful (Rock n' Roll Detective).

Second of all, he could do something that gets him impeached. Real morons like Richard Nixon get impeached, and Clinton almost got impeached. It's obviously a trend in the White House, while the good ones get assassinated. He could do something like eat out a dog's crotch, or put hidden cameras in Dick Cheney's wife's bathroom and then put the videos on P2P networking, and claim that he didn’t know that eating out a dog's crotch was adultery after the dog testifies on national television.

Once impeached, he could move back to his ranch, get heart surgery, and write a book about his dog vagina eating scandal and how much his nipples get hard from tax cuts. His wife could then come into the public scene to prove what a bitch she is, and run for presidency.

Biased News: Veteran Money

2005-07-17T22:33:00.000-07:00

Headline via Yahoo! News: WASHINGTON - Struggling to prevent political damage, Senate Republicans intend to raise spending on veterans programs by $1.5 billion to make up for a shortage caused partly by the return of troops from Iraq and Afghanistan, officials said Tuesday.

I really wouldn't be too happy. Tax cuts from Bush and major spending makes for the downwards arrows on the economic chart. Of course, the GOP is always good at doing things like that.

Body text via Yahoo! News: "I'm glad they have seen the light," said Democratic leader Harry Reid of Nevada. He said majority Republicans had refused to provide the money when members of his party called for it earlier in the year.

Harry Reid surely doesn't represent me in any way, shape, or form. If I were Harry Reid, I would just shut up while I was ahead. Democrats can bitch, and bitch, and bitch, but not do anything about it. They can see what Republicans are doing wrong, but no proposals to fix shit. They're like the lazy landlord with a broken plumbing system: they see the problem, but don't do shit to fix it, but Democrats smear it in the Republicans' face with the, "I told you so bitch", and will soon say, "You're spending too much you fuckers!" From there, the Republicans can say, "Well...give us some more criticism to work from".

It's very apparent that the Republicans aren't very brilliant, yet the Democrats have no room to talk. However, the Democrats did try to fix the situation, but in the same fashion that the Republicans already have: spending $1 fucking billion dollars, yet the money doesn't come from their ass, it comes from our currently shitty financial crisis:
Body text via Yahoo! News: There, the GOP defeated a Democratic effort to provide an extra $1 billion for veterans' health care. The 217-189 vote was along party lines.
You have to think ahead when you make decisions. It takes ten seconds to ask, "What are the risks of taking $1 billion dollars from our country's current economic situation?", and "Is it possible, or even financially ethical to cut this amount of money from absolutely anything to spend on the increasing Veteran care?" Politicians are obviously not very good Checkers players, because they haven't the brains God would give a rock to assume the risks. It's called forethought you stupid fuckers.

I wouldn't have expected much from them in the first place though. Where is the money coming from, the government "secret funds"? I've come to the conclusion that a lot of bank robbers are actually treasury workers and politicians. That's the only thing that makes sense, until they explain to me what the hell they were/are/will [be] thinking.

Biased News: Viagra No More

2005-07-17T22:31:00.000-07:00

Headline, via Yahoo! News: WASHINGTON - Impotence drugs such as Viagra would not be covered by Medicaid and Medicare, the government health programs for the poor and the aged, under new prohibitions approved by the House on Friday.

The "Boners on Behalf of the Government" act was disabled after Representative Steve King (come on, this guy sounds like the guy who writes those bedtime stories) complained that his boners were ineffective and inadequate, because every time he got an erection using Viagra, he thought of government leaders like George W. Bush and White House bitch Scott McClellan.

Steve whipped out a calculator and estimated that the government would spend $2 billions bucks on Viagra, and that essentially comes from taxpayers. Even taxpayers with good boners would have to pay for people with bad boners, and since Steve's boner didn't work too well even with Viagra, he didn't want to be envious and pay for other peoples' good boners.

Of course, we all heard about the sex offender ordeal in which sex offenders under Megan's Law are receiving Viagra through Medicaid and Medicare, or something like that. We must've been assuming that with raging erections on Viagra, sex offenders wouldn't need to fantasize and commit rape, and essentially, "beat it" instead.

Closing paragraph, via Yahoo! News: But Rep. Nancy Johnson (news, bio, voting record), R-Conn., said that the overwhelming majority of Medicaid and Medicare patients who are law-abiding deserve to receive the drugs, especially men who have lost sexual function after suffering prostate cancer and other life-threatening conditions.

Nancy Johnson herself, a huge fan of Viagra and possibly a lesbian, went home and threw her husband's Viagra pills away, shouting, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

I have to agree with Nancy though. If I had a life-threatening condition, I would want the hugest boners that I could get before I died. I would be a rump machine.

Biased News: Saddam's Book

2005-07-17T22:29:00.000-07:00

Headline via Yahoo! News: AMMAN, Jordan - Saddam Hussein's family will publish next week a novel written by the ousted Iraqi leader before the U.S.-led war, his daughter said Friday.

That's kind of funny. Hitler wrote a book before he became a dictator too. Of course, the word dictator can be pronounced easy: dick-tay-tuhr.

Body text via Yahoo! News: The story is apparently a metaphor for a Zionist-Christian plot against Arabs and Muslims. Ezekiel is meant to symbolize the Jews. Raghad Saddam Hussein said her father finished the novel March 18, 2003 - a day before the U.S.-led war on Iraq began - and had expressed a wish to publish the book under his name. The three other novels he wrote were simply signed, "Its author."

That's really funny, because I have the cover picture of one of Saddam's first three books:

This is not an actual book cover.

Reading a book written by Saddam is like reading a book from Jeffrey Dahmer. The guy must've been confused. Apparently, he wanted to make sure that his readers knew that books are written by people called "authors". That's not even a good penname. "The author" is like a definite name for a serial killer, and it fits him pretty well. The man's completely nuts. Who in their right mind would publish it?

Aside from that, his trial has been delayed for too long. So long, that now the book can be published. A lot of people make positive adjustments in prison. Saddam's one of the most hated men on the planet, and nobody really questions why. "The slaughter and genocide of thousands of people!" Oh! I almost forgot. That's why. Of course, a lot of people in prison convert to Islam...

Biased News: Iran is 'out of step'

2005-07-17T22:28:00.000-07:00

Headline via Yahoo! News: WASHINGTON (AFP) - Iran is "out of step" with a trend toward freedom and liberty in its region, the US State Department said, after hardliner Mahmood Ahmadinejad won a presidential election condemned by Washington as "flawed".

Who didn't see it coming? Iran has never been thinking on the same page as the rest of the world. We just might as well send them directions on how to pull their head out of their ass, rather than a message that they're "out of step".
Body text via Yahoo! News: The interior ministry said Ahmadinejad, a self-proclaimed fundamentalist seeking a return to the moral "purity" of the early years of the Islamic revolution, thrashed his more pragmatist rival Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani. Ahmadinejad's victory leaves anti-Western ultra-conservatives in complete control over every elected and unelected institution in Iran, and Rafsanjani's humiliating defeat will remove what has been a moderating influence within the 26-year-old theocracy.

If you think about it, that might remind you of how George W. Bush won the election, of course, he's not seeking the return to the moral "purity" of the early years of the Islamic revolution.

I'm not big on the Islamic religion, but the "Islamic revolution" doesn't sound very pleasant. Islamic fundamentalists and ultranationalists are decapitating U.S. citizens and troops in Iraq, and Iran isn't much further on the loony bin (the hostage situation in the eighties is evident enough).

We can't change their minds though. Conservatives would argue that we take a more aggressive approach in the situation to applying democracy in the Middle East, while liberals can't make up their minds about it. Some liberals say we shouldn't try to apply democracy in a nation of Islamic radicals, willing to win at all costs to stop change, while others say that we should, but in a less aggressive manner. Neither one seems to have been working.

Bush road the conservative idea from September 11th, 2001. When Al-Quida terrorists hijacked the planes and committed such horrendous acts, Bush convinced most of the public that the only retaliation that we could come back with was the aggressive approach to bringing democracy in the Middle East, after proposing that the radicals had taken the offensive, when they've been taking the offensive for years. It was at this point, that liberal's bullshit detectors went off.

Conservatives will continue to ride the road of actions of the Islamic ultranationalist radicals, and liberals will forever have ringing bullshit detectors. Nobody knows what it takes to get countries like Iran to wake up and smell the car bombs, but we do know that, quote "they're 'out of step' with a trend toward freedom and liberty in its region". I guess we woke up and smelled the anti-Americanism.

Biased News: Rumsfeld Bracing

2005-07-17T22:25:00.000-07:00

Headline via Yahoo! News: WASHINGTON - Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld said Sunday he is bracing for even more violence in Iraq and acknowledged that the insurgency "could go on for any number of years."

What does Donald Rumsfeld have to brace for, more speeches? He's not the one in Iraq fighting the fight, so he doesn't have to brace for much, except maybe questions that he may have to come up with some more bullshit monologues.

Body text via Yahoo! News: A British newspaper reported Sunday that American officials recently met secretly with Iraqi insurgent commanders north of Baghdad to try to negotiate an end to the bloodshed. Speaking generally, Rumsfeld said those kind of meetings "go on all the time" and that Iraqis "will decide what their relationships with various elements of insurgents will be. We facilitate those from time to time." Three militant groups - al-Qaida in Iraq, the Ansar al-Sunnah Army and the Islamic Army in Iraq - issued statements on their Web sites denying they had ever negotiated with U.S. or Iraqi officials to end the insurgency.

The insurgent groups are clearly lying, as evident in this "peace talk" picture:

I guess this war wasn't such a good idea. The insurgents are nuts, and our government is actually telling is the truth. This catastrophic chain of events from March 2003 to present has forever changed the way our government lies. They've realized that they can no longer tell lies that make sense, so the next one they're going to tell us about Area 51 is this:

"Area 51 is a warehouse, stockpiled with used women's Pearl tampons and air fresheners made from the scent of human corpses to cover up the foul smell of the tampons. We stockpile these used tampons as DNA evidence for the Federal Bureau of Investigation and other agencies. We can identify thousands of women by their flushed and trashed tampons."

Biased News: Kendall the Boxer

2005-07-17T22:09:00.000-07:00

Headline via MSN News: On Saturday night, at the Aragon Ballroom in Chicago, 37-year-old Kendall Gill will be making his professional boxing debut.

That must be quite an evolution in sports, from compression shorts and sweatbands to being identified by your shorts color and boxing gloves. It's almost like asking for an ass whooping. I haven't seen Kendall get up and start swinging after a foul or bad call, (but then again, I don't watch sports), so I don't know what motivated him to go into professional boxing.

Sports either contribute to obesity, or contribute to good fitness. If you watch a lot of sports, you're on the "likely to be obese" spectrum. If you play sports, you're on the fit, but equally confused spectrum. Nothing can be less heterosexual than male sports (take wrestling or football for example), so why try and fake it?

Body text via Yahoo! News: After playing in only 14 games this past season, Gill was abruptly released by the Milwaukee Bucks. "I didn't deserve to go out this way in basketball," said Gill.

Boo-hoo. You've lost your endorsements and millions of dollar in cash from the sport by being released, all because you've lost your prime. He makes more in a season than most people will make in their lives, all because he has a talent that means absolutely nothing in the real world. When NASA plans to send a troop of astronauts into space, you won't see LeBron James in the shuttle, and you won't see Barry Bonds inventing the new technological advancements of the 21st century.

The point of it is, is that when sports players get cut from their money, they bitch and moan and look for ways to bring the green back in. Michael Jordan made a push for the Wizards and made dozens of endorsements after he retired, and Kendall goes into a sport whose contract contains a liability claim. Great job Kendall.